so silent here on lj recently. is it relationship season? maybe that's why it's been so quiet. everyone is so busy being involved.

***

i can't seem to stop shopping. i don't know if it's because of work related stress. or a way of coping with boredom and loneliness. or maybe an otulet for the cigarette itch. but i'm going to be broke soon if i keep on doing this.

fine i exaggerate on the going broke bit. but not with the shopping. i've said it a million times. i shouldn't be allowed to enter a mall alone. it's like a disaster waiting to happen.

anyway.

bought this really cute shirt that says holy shih tzu. i just had to grab it because it reminded me of muffin our doggie. i miss muffin.

also got myself seven books. yeah i went nuts. but i must say they're all very smart books. none of them ditzy. besides books are an investment. at least that was what i was able to convince myself of. i'm just happy to rediscover my passion for reading.

oh and i'm sort of dating this guy. don't really want to think about it too much. all i can say is the experience has been nice and pleasant. insert smiling face here. and just want to mention that seeing someone can be quite expensive in singapore. just like buying books. oh well.

last night i had this heavy talk with a guy i sort of like. our situation's quite complicated. but the issue last night was just small. i still have no idea why it was blown out of proportion.

i find it funny when people say they don't understand me. my thinking process is definitely not simple, but i think i'm transparent, expressive and honest enough for people to understand.

that's why i love people who get me. they make my life so much easier.

***

different people have different takes on values. in terms of inadherence, i feel that big but one-time/unplanned is better than small but constant/deliberate.

case 1:
your partner gets drunk and sleeps with a stranger. he confesses within the week and admits it was mistake. he promises it will never happen again.

case 2:
your partner constantly dates someone he likes. he can imagine building a life with the other person. he doesn't tell you and even denies it when you confront him.

people tend to condemn the former but tolerate the latter. i find that very weird. i guess i just put more value on intention than action.

haven't smoked in 3 days. the withdrawal symptoms are awful but bearable. don't ask me why i suddenly stopped. i actually don't have a good [personal] reason. because to be honest i don't care that much about my health or the environment. but i will not smoke for one whole month. just because. maybe you can say i'm attempting a david blaine. like doing a stunt just to prove i can / it can be done. i may not have much self-control when it comes to my boys. but i do have a lot of will-power when it comes to my commitments.

last weekend was super fun. 

friday night after work i had drinks with my 2 teammates at harry's just across my building. had yummy bombay sapphire with lemon sprite while chatting about work, life and other adult concerns. 

and then i met up with my cousin who wanted to go to arab street for some street food. we ended up at this cozy jazz bar where we had a lovely time chilling over supper, mojitos and strawberry shisha. i'm defintely going back to that place.

saturday night i met up with some friends to go club. we arrived a bit early so we decided to grab some drinks first, sit down and talk. we ended up playing category and drink the truth [like i have never]. quite fun. especially the ganging up and the juicy revelations. 

we hit the dancefloor as soon as we heard good music playing. i have to say dancing with my friend's friend was the highlight of my saturday night. had one of the best times dancing ever. we were so on the same dance wavelength. for most part we were dancing together, playing off each other's energy and shaking our asses off like energizer bunnies. so much fun!

today i celebrate one month's worth of being a good boy *woot woot*. although some conservative parties may contest, my conscience is clear. i was well behaved during that whole one month period. hindi kaya counted if someone kisses you, especially if you don't kiss back. mas lalong hindi counted if cute siya. i mean who would've thought i could exhibit such self control. in fact for that i give myself A for conduct and A+++ for effort.

of course i still go out, make friends and enjoy myself. but i've stopped with the pursuing of emotionally unavailable guys. and the fooling around with random acquaintances. and with the other not-so-character-building things i used to do. i mean that was fun. but i think it's time for something more stable now. can you say preparing for mid-life crisis?

so the plan now is to take things slow. mid-twenties was a roller coaster. fun and exciting. i think i want my late-twenties to be a ferris wheel. steady and uplifting. let's see how that goes.

april has got to be my favorite month of the year.

   
   
   

manila, ryan's birthday, jem's 30th birthday, meet friends, anawangin weekend, bum around, bora week [eat, tan, chill and sleep], no time for anything else, my birthday at capones, singapore, my birthday at play, now in my late twenties, cats the musical, ben's despedida, thinking of resigning, dated a guy with a boyfriend, reconnected with a guy i really like/d, tempted to go semi-kal again.

i dated a 44 year old guy the other night. i'm only 26 so that's an age gap of 18 years. or if we wanted to make it sound better -- that's only a cycle and a half age difference.

if i'm not mistaken this is just the second time i've dated an older guy. the first time was also just recently. the guy was also in his 40s.

maybe i'm being made to make up for all the older guys i was supposed to date in the past. that would be a good explanation for the huge age gap. the age difference has accumulated over the years.

i know older guys are more compatible with me. but i just naturally gravitate towards younger guys. what i really want is a good mix of steadiness and playfulness. but if i had to choose i'd pick the latter. which of course explains my dating history.

i still say age is just a number. it may be an indicator of character but doesn't always follow. i think what really determines compatibility is sameness of life experience and values.

so back to my date.

he looked pretty ok. quite cute and very fit. you wouldn't know he was in his 40s just by appearance. the connection was decent also. he was spontaneous and fun enough. there were barriers but not due to age difference. they were more cultural and linguistic in nature. you know what was another barrier? his belt bag. he was wearing one. ugh.

all in all the guy was alright. we had fun. the age gap was not a factor. i wouldn't mind dating him again. or some other older guy. but i draw the line at +20. don't know why everyone else is so against it though.

am stressing at the thought of needing to accomplish the following real errands in two weeks: 1) file singapore income tax, 2) file philipine income tax from singapore, 3) pick up my new passport from the embassy, 4) get an exit pass from the embassy, and 5) book my ticket to manila

i'm planning to go home march 28. my passport will only arrive on the 26th. i don't think i can book using my old passport. so what to do??

at least i've sort of decided on the dates already. can't wait for my 3 week vacation. am so looking forward to lazing around in manila with nothing to worry about.

went to ikea with friends. bought a foldable chair and frying pan. but left it in the cab. forgot it in the trunk of the car. loser.

let us all memorize the steps and dance to the song! sing it with me -- i want nobody nobody but you *clap clap*! oh and the beat is so reminiscent of p. diddy's last night. so lovely.